An Open Letter from a Literary Translator

by Lydia Razran Stone
Originally published in the "Humor and Translation" column of the ATA Chronicle, January 2000

Dear Professor von Fiddledeedee,
Don't ask me to translate for free:
To spend my whole day
At hard work for no pay.
After all, would you do so for me?

Yes, your resume's brilliant and long
And I'm sure that your poems are strong.
I applaud your success.
Should I settle for less?
If you think so, dear sir, you are wrong!

Your mechanic, your dentist and maid
For their labor expect to be paid.
So why should you feel
I don't rate the same deal,
When words are my sole stock in trade?

You have promised to cite me by name
And urge me to work for that fame.
But writers who pay
Cite my name anyway.
So I'm not too impressed by that claim.

Now, professors get perks that are sweet
And but rarely must sleep on the street.
Thus, your poverty plea,
Is quite wasted on me;
For a translator, too, has to eat!

I've no doubt you've a student or two
Who'd be flattered to translate for you.
But such folk, as a class,
Are beginners, Alas!
That "you get what you pay for" is true!

I agree: we should all do our part
And sacrifice lucre for art!
Noble sentiment! Fine!
You for yours! I for mine!
Since the idea's yours, why don't you start?